These Advice given by My Parent Which Helped Us during my time as a New Parent

"I think I was simply trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct words "You're not in a good spot. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who often hold onto damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a few days abroad, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "terrible actions" when younger to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."